Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
