sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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