I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
