If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
