i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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