I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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