party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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