Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
