I'm really into asian looking animals
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
