Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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