There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
