So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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