If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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