OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The beer is more important than you right now.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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