Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
