If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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