I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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