i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
