I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize