17 year olds will be the death of me.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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