woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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