someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
