I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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