i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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