So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize