I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
