Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
