Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
