it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Shame is for Republicans.
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