if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
The ass gains better be worth it
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