I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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