my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
