is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She bit a glass in half.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
