I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Found the puke drawer
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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