Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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