i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I would fuck him just for his dog
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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