Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize