Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
