So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
