I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
