handjob tips. give me some.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
