pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
