I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
