are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
