dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
