there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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