Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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