....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
