Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
