That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
