Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
