I wanna passion pit in your ass
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
