I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
