Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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