he puts the penis in happiness.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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