Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
