Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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