Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
