Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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