I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
