just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
