You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
