Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
