Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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