bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
