Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize