Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
