I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
