My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
