You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
