Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
