I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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