she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
