So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
