just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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